even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
