Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
