I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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