What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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