I must be too annoying 4 u.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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