Someone shit on the floor
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
