i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
