i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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