her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
