he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
