yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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