yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
