Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
