You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
