Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
