I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
