I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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