I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
