I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
