Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk is not a location!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
