Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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