Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
