i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
