grandma shit on top of the toilet
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
