Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
