So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
