I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
