went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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