Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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