cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
