My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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