I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
