I just made out with a guy for $7.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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