Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
