Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
