In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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