need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
