that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
