You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
