ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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