Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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