I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
