actually, I'm a sock model
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
