If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
