i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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