Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
