we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
