From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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