I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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