Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
